Monday, November 29, 2010

From the Author: "Fat Bitch"

This post is very personal for me, and I hesitated publishing it. However I decided I am probably not the only one with an experience like this, and perhaps I will be able to empower other ladies by telling my story.

I'm an extremely social person. I love going out with friends on the weekends, meeting new people, having conversations with strangers and getting to know each person that walks into my life. This past weekend, like most, I was out having a good time with friends in Downtown Seattle. On the way home we all decided to stop by a local pizza place that stayed open late after bars closed down...and I offered to grab pizza slices for a couple of my good friends. However there was one guy in the car who I barely knew, and I told him if he wanted pizza to come out with me and get himself a slice (since I didn't want to pay for his slice). I was not rude...but he demanded that I buy him a slice of pizza - barely knowing me at all.

So I told him not to be rude and come out with him to get himself one. He refused and sat in the car while I got out. While waiting in line, I decided to be kind and get him a slice anyway, even though he had been very rude. As I walked back to the car, he thought I didn't get him any pizza, and yelled out the window at me, "You FAT BITCH."

I was appalled. What did he just say to me? I was feeling very confident in my outfit, having a wonderful night, and a friend of a friend is calling me the two things I feared being called. I got in the car and asked him why he was acting like that...why would he say such a thing. And he responded by saying, "Because you are a fat bitch, that's why."

I went off on him. I sunk down to his level and told him exactly what I thought about him and what he said. He shut his mouth real quick. But in hindsight I regret stooping to his level - hurling insults right back at him. I was in tears by the end of the night and felt violated. How could someone be so cruel? And the ironic thing was, of course, I actually bought him a slice. He wasn't getting now, obviously.

After talking with a good friend, I realized that his insult truly had nothing to do with me as a person, inside or out. It was really about his own insecurities. And regardless of your size as a woman, one of the most hurtful insults is to be called a "Fat Bitch." We all have body issues, thanks to the pressure that the media and society puts on us to look a certain way. A way which doesn't actually exist, except in the pages of airbrushed and photoshopped magazine pages.

I had to realize that if I let this near stranger hurt me, if I let him touch my heart and my mind, I was giving him power. Someone who degrades women, who throws out the most hurtful of insults to a woman just because he doesn't get what he wants - like a child.

Another ironic note? He has actually tried to pick me up before...hit on me...creep...whatever you want to call it.

So, TRENT, I'm calling you out. For all the beautiful women out there who are trying to live up to unrealistic standards and fear being judged through the eyes of egotistical, insecure men: I am a FAT BITCH. And I love it. I love my beautiful body, my curves, my breasts, my hips, my lips, my eyes and myself.

And I have you to thank for empowering myself - and being comfortable with owning the title of Fat Bitch.



  1. Atta girl! This gave me chills. Good for you! I told you, Tash. Fuck him- what an insecure malicious loser. A child, no doubt. I'm glad you're feeling better about this- it hurt me to see you so upset. You are a beauitful, kind, intelligent, senstive, voluptuous, and confident woman and many people are threatened by that. He hurled the two insults he knew that would hurt any woman. I pitty him. His perception of beauty and respect is distorted and delusional. You are better for it-and he's left with the same thing he had going for him before- nothing. I'm proud of you for posting this. It is nothing short of empowering. It disgusts me that there are people in this world that could be so uneccessarily cruel- they have no concept of the damage words can cause. I'm glad he didn't get the best of you. And you know If I had been there, things would not have gone down the way they did- silence is not an excuse for diffusion or fear- it's a cop out plain and simple.

  2. Lindsey pointed me to your blog.... it's amazing, by the way!

    Being a "fat bitch" I need to say first that I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. I do not think you stooped to his level by calling him out in the moment he insulted you. I think by being silent, he thinks he has won. But... but calling him out on his bullshit, showing him how insecure it makes him look, how immature and how much like a bully it makes him... he should see the error in his way and see how much it hurts you. Maybe he won't do it again. Or at least think twice about it next time. You did good.

    You are strong, empowered, and beautiful. Always remember that. :)

  3. Thank you to Lindsey & Betsy, I appreciate your support :)

  4. wow, that guy is delusional..clearly he is blind to see what an amazingly beautiful, and caring individual you truly are. that is exactly what he is, a child, who just gets mad and lashes out until gotten his way. i would of course expect you to stand up for yourself because i know you and you dont take crap from anyone, so im glad you stood up for yourself in this situation because it was much needed for him to be called out like a prick that he is. love you sis, thanks for sharing this with all of us.

  5. I'm glad you said something to him because if you didn't he might talk to someone else like that, he needed to know he was wrong.
    Nobody deserved to be spoken to like that. I hope writing about it has helped you.
    Just keep being you, you're perfect the way you are

  6. Natasha. Thanks for posting this. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I have always admired and been inspired by your confidence and I hope that this has not altered your view on life or yourself. Your wonderful!

  7. I have a hard time not "biting the hook" with people who try to infuriate me, as this person clearly was trying to do to you. It's important to remember what he was really after: controlling you, getting you into petty drama b/c he can't get attention through his own merit. It is hard to just walk away, but that is exactly what to do with people who try to subtly control you. Work to be in a place where neither praise nor insult affects your self-perception and self-love (and decisions). It's really the only form of "revenge" against idiots.

  8. I'm proud of you! Take the insult as the chance to learn to love yourself and forget that tool! I can see why you'd regret stooping to his level, but you stood up for yourself and put him in his place. You are beautiful!

  9. I don't think i would have done anything differently. ignorant people should be put in their place. more power to you.

  10. Thank you to everyone for your comments, love & support :)

    A few years ago, this comment would have really hurt me and ruined my week...I probably wouldn't have gone out for a month. But now, being older, more confident and more mature, I understand that the only way to let others bring me down is by allowing it. And I'll choose to not allow it. That's it.

  11. I feel you on this one.

    I get this a fair bit. Where I am from (small country town in Australia) it's a regular thing to talk smack about 'fat chicks'. People consider it okay to be my friend and yet talk about other 'fat chicks' and 'fat bitches' in front of me. And of course whenever I call them out on it I always get the 'But we don't think of you like that' and 'but you're not fat!' (at size 14/16 I ain't a ballerina either).

    Good on you for calling him out. I am usually so embarrassed by it to say anything about it and pretend it doesn't worry me (although it obviously does).


  12. you go girl!!!!!!

  13. I'm so glad you wrote about this.... the fact that the person who said this was a friend of a friend is appalling.... and I hope your friend apologized on Trent's behalf!

    It's amazing how men use triggered words like that degrade and demean women. I'm glad you called him out, even if it meant sinking to his level, to show him that he CAN'T hurl words like that around and expect no repercussions...

  14. Wow, thank you for sharing Tash. That took so much courage for you to post but even more to stand up to him. What an asshole, you really did a great thing standing up for yourself. Sometimes silence is not the key, especially when it comes to bullying. I love you.

  15. Just came across your blog on IFB and it caught my eye. You are curvy and beautiful so calling him out was what you needed to do to stand up for yourself. I'll be returning here!

  16. wow, I thought name calling stopped when we were in HS? Although you regret stooping to his level, sometimes, (this maybe the ny girl in me talking) people deserve to get insulted right back, actually, it's even healthy to let it out. Did any of your other friends say anything? Because I can't think of one friend of mine that wouldn't have tried to verbally destroy him.

  17. 1. You are gorgeous.
    2. You're probably quite right about Trent's insecurities.
    3. Men throw the word "bitch" around when women are being awful, but more often than not they use it when women are simply being assertive and know themselves and what they want to do. You were being assertive in this case, and it sounds like Trent couldn't handle it.

  18. Amen, amen, amen. And I'm not even religious! You're a beautiful girl and you should be proud of yourself. No one should say that to anybody, ever. Thanks for writing this post. Hopefully many other people will read it and realize that no one deserves this sort of treatment.

    P.S. Trent's an insecure little prat!

  19. wow. people are lame. sometimes i wonder what makes a person decide to insult another like that, for no good reason.

    it reminds me of one time, i was out on the town with my friend and we stopped by the convenience store to get something and one guy in this group of early-20-somethings standing talking by the door, shouts at me "hey fat girl!". i didn't know him. i wasn't even making eye-contact, or bothering him in any way. and usually, i get a lot of male attention when i am out and about and although i am chubby, i'm not huge. i hadn't been called out like that for the pure meanness of it since high school. i never even knew that guy and he just hurt my feelings so bad with only a few words. i wish guys would stop and think about the things that come out of their mouths sometimes... he probably thought he was being real funny. real funny...